“Maka-kaway man lang ako sa Kanya, okey na (Just to be able to wave at Him, will be okey).”
That’s what I said on my FB status on a Sunday afternoon. Thinking that I could no longer see the Black Nazarene that day. It’s been five years that I haven’t seen the Black Nazarene on his feast day. And that Sunday afternoon, could have been the sixth.
Maybe HE heard me.
“Robert, the Black Nazarene will be arriving at the entrance of his home in Quiapo church, maybe around 10 to 11 pm tonight”, suddenly, a chat message blopped on the screen of my fb wall.
“I am going there tonight. Come with me. I just read your status now at FB.”
The chat message came from Jay-en, a very special fb friend. He was my crush.
“I will be arriving there around 9 p.m. Let’s meet each other at Jollibee Arlegui St. branch. Then, let’s wait for the Black Nazarene.”
And I answered: Yes. Yes. Yes!
I may have forgotten, it’s not just when the Black Nazarene leaves his home-church for his yearly feast parade that people flock him. Some devotees had told me in the past that it was much better to wait for the Black Nazarene when he arrived from a long journey of walking. That’s the time you could really feel “His presence.”
And it was the perfect time.
I knew, it’s not just the excitement of meeting Jay-en (my crush) for the first time that mattered the most. But seeing an “old friend” that I haven’t seen for five long years, thrilled me to the max. That day, I knew He will be happy to see me again. He may be tired from a long hard day’s walk (coz it was His feast), but deep inside me, I knew He will come near to me and acknowledge me- coz we’ve been friends for a long, long time. Me and the Black Nazarene.
I kept on thinking that afternoon, maybe, just maybe, Jay-en was just an instrument. The Black Nazarene needed an accomplice so He could see me back again. Through Jay-en.
And the evening came.
Coz the road going to Quiapo was blocked by the authorities due to many pilgrims who went there, the walk from Morayta St. to Quiapo was an easy task to bear. No sweat. I could even walk for miles when I used to get high on drugs in the past. I remembered, I walked from Marcos Hiway, Antipolo to Quiapo more than 7 years ago when there was no longer any hope in my life. As I arrived and entered the Quiapo church after a long walk, all my weariness and tiredness disappeared when I saw “Him”- the Black Nazarene. I heard a soft whisper that night, which was more than seven years ago, inside the Quiapo church: “I am taking your load. You are my friend.”
I just couldn’t discern that evening if I was simply high on drugs (shabu) and I was simply hallucinating, or the voice I heard was really true.
It was supernatural. A voice sounding like it was coming from the deep recesses of an empty metal drum, or an empty well, or locked bathroom noise- where the sound seemed to be echoing, transcending not just within your very ears, but your very soul.
And the voice added:”Ang kulit-kulit mo kasi! (You are so redandant guy!).Pero hindi kita iiwan, huwag ka mag-alala! (But nevertheless, I won’t leave you, don’t worry!)”
And a cold wind blew on my face.
That was the time I looked-around the church, there was no one near me. There was no wind coming-in from the busy street outside.
And I cried…. When I went-out the church, I felt so light. The effects of the “shabu” disppeared. I didn’t know why.
That was more than seven years ago. After that night, I was no more a “drug addict”. After that night, I was surprised I could just use “drugs” on “accidental” basis only. The addiction was gone.
I became more of an avid “follower” of the Black Nazarene after that. Then, I missed him for five years. I ignored his feasts. I always had an excuse, an alibi.
Not until that Sunday afternoon- January 9, 2011. He badly needed to see me. He badly wanted me to be there. he badly choreographed the events so that I could be there upon His arrival at the Quiapo church.
Morning of January 9,2011, I first went to Sanctuarium funeral homes to be with the relatives of Miss Mila Parawan (RIP) and went with them until she was laid to rest at the North Cemetery. After a brief snack with them at Sampaloc (after the internment), I decided to open my Facebook when I saw an internet shop in Welcome Rotonda. That’s the time I posted my fb status: “Makawayan ko lang Siya, okey na.”
And Jay-en read it. He chatted me at once on FB.
And now, here was Jay-en beside me. A handsome young man in his mid-twenties. So gentle, so warm, so reassuring. He never left me that evening until the Black Nazarene arrived.
“Are you happy?”, Jay-en asked me.
“Yes, I am”, I answered him.”
“He’ll be a lot happier when He sees you.”
And that was it. My tears flowed. I was crying. The Black Nazarene hasn’t arrived yet, but I could almost feel “His Presence”. It was as if I was feeling Him, getting nearer and nearer to me. The emotions were tremendous. So powerful. So real. And I kept on crying, but trying to hold back my tears.
I held Jay-en’s hand, never letting it go. I held Jay-en’s arm, trying to feel him more. I touched Jay-en’s shoulder, not wanting anybody else to grab him away from me.
And there were so many people outside the entrance of Quiapo church. All waiting for the arrival of the Black Nazarene. As I gazed upon their faces, I saw the real images of my Catholic Faith. I saw it in their eyes, when they look up high above the facade of Quiapo church’s video screen wall. I saw it in their faces, as they anticipated the arrival of a “tired King”, I saw it in their emotions of hope, love and joy. The spirit had, indeed, never left us. “HE” was always there.
I knew Jay-en was there coz he was also having some problems with his health and his lover of 8 years. But he was discreet enough not to reveal anything about it. I simply kept silent. We are simply friends.
And me? I was there because I was “invited”. I was invited by the Senor Nazareno himself. And he “used” Jay-en so I would have no hesistancies, whatsoever, to be there with HIM upon His arrival.
And he arrived. Firecrackers appeared in the skies welcoming Him. People panicked. The excitement overflowed. The spirit went so HIGH.
He stopped in full view of me. I could imagine Him looking at me and smiling. He paused to where I stood for almost five minutes. He did let me feel: “Yes, Robert, I invited you.” Then, he moved on.
He looked tired and needed a home to rest inside the safe havens of the Quiapo church.
I may not be always invited in press conferences of movie productions and other showbiz-related works, it’s ok.
I may always be an “outsider” in showbiz, just like what others say, it’s ok.
And I may have been accused forever in different bad “labels” and notorious “tags”, it’s still ok.
But the mere fact that I was there that night near outside the entrance of Quiapo church. It was enough.
Coz, it was a little miracle. He heard me. And HE found a way to grant my wish:
And saw HIM back again.
The power of love is real. With me and the Black Nazarene.
Leave a Reply